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From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious
Dictionary:
MARRIAGE, n.
[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of
history;
[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";
[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the
only adventure left;
[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if
you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get
a bad one you will become a philosopher
{Socrates};
[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you
carefully look over the choices, select what looks
the best - and pay later;
[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" -
unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;
[7] a word which always means commitment - but so
does insanity;
[8] a ceremony favored in England - it's the only
way to beat their cold winters and lack of central
heating;
[9] something that changes the demeanor of a
driver - there is no longer any effort needed to
keep both hands on the wheel;
[10] the only permanent cure for love;
[11] is only compatible when the man makes a
living and his wife makes living worthwhile;
[12] the only adventure open to the cowardly;
[13] something which is called a feast -
unfortunately, sometimes the appetizer is better
than the main course;
[14] a group which consists of: a master, a
mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two;
[15] the alliance of two people, one who never
remembers birthdays, and the other who never
forgets them;
[16] the process that turns a female from an
attraction into a distraction;
[17] a legal custom which turns a man into the
captive audience of his wife;
[18] that ceremony which makes more strange
bedfellows than politics;
[19] a rite where two people, under the influence
most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most
transient of passions, are required to swear that
they will remain in that excited, abnormal and
exhausting condition until death do them part;
[20] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own
line;
[21] in America, is the only legal method of
suppressing freedom of speech;
[22] is made out of two toothbrushes but a single
tube of toothpaste;
[23] is just a three-ring circus: engagement,
wedding, and suffer;
[24] the process of finding out the kind of guy
your wife would have preferred;
[25] a condition where no wife gets what she
expected, and no husband expected what he was
getting;
[26] the ceremony which provides a man with
something that, sooner or later, he will find he
can't blame on the government;
[27] a tradition which would suffer considerably
if men had to pay the minister the same fee they
will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer;
[28] is much like a pair of shears, so joined so
the parts cannot be separated, often moving in
opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone
who tries to come between them;
[29] the continuous process of getting used to
things you never expected;
[30] a status which depends upon two to be
successful but only one to turn into a failure;
[31] is a book in which the first chapter is
written in poetry and the rest of the pages is
prose;
[32] a bargain, and a sensible person understands
that someone must get the better of any bargain;
[33] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of
conquering by yielding. This is the western
equivalent of "Yes, dear";
[34] a confrontation which always demands the
greatest understanding of the subtle art of
insincerity possible between two human beings;
[35] is not a word, but a sentence;
[36] a delightful form of combat where you get to
sleep with the enemy;
[37] an investment that pays big dividends if you
manage to keep up the interest.
These marriage definitions are just 37 of 5,000+
definitions appearing in Quinn's Devious
Dictionary. Available from him at words@iop.com
for $25 (postage paid) in the USA. Follow this
link to see the first chapter.
-- Random Quote of the DayFor God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.--John 3:16 |
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