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Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner. --------------------------------- Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory. --------------------------------- Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere. --------------------------------- Men are like coffee: The best ones are rich, warm, and keep you up all night long. --------------------------------- Men are like horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and they are always wrong. --------------------------------- Men are like plungers: They spend most of their time in the hardware store or the bathroom. --------------------------------- Men are like parking spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped. --------------------------------- How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it. --------------------------------- How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out. --------------------------------- How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb? One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb. --------------------------------- How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself. ---------------------------------

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