God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends

My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips

(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If You Can Read This, My wife Fell Off

I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping

What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?

Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich

Liberal Arts Major..Will Think for Food

Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law

If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen

In Dog Years, I'm Dead

Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener

If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You

The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard

Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade

I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes

Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well

First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order

Old Age Comes at a Bad Time

In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Hang up and drive.

God must love stupid people...He made SO many.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Where there's a will..I want to be in it.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.

God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that

Stop repeat offenders. Don't reelect them!