Alligator Warning
DUE TO THE EXTREME DROUGHT IN FLORIDA, THE FOLLOWING CAUTION WAS ISSUED:
Subject: Alligator Warning
The Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in Seminole, Osceola, Polk, Brevard and Orange Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity.
People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings. Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
Monkey See Monkey Do.
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have an CAD monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in CAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Engineer."
Pig Humor
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ?
A teddy boar!
Bear Hunting Joke
Have you ever hunted bear ?
No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!
Polar Bear Humor
Why is Polar bear cheap to have as a pet ?
It lives on ice!
Elephant Jokes
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ?
Big holes all over Australia!
Gorilla Jokes
Gorilla: I'm feeling terrible, Doctor. I keep thinking I'm a Great Dane.
Doctor: As your psychiatrist, I can tell you it's better if you go bananas. But how long have you been feeling this way?
Gorilla: Since I was a puppy!
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy Calendar?
She was "Miss Ape-ril!"
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest?
She was the beast of the show!
Reindeer Humor
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground
What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer ! !
Parrot Joke
What do you get if you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A walkie talkie!
Dog Joke
My dog plays chess
Your dog plays chess, he must be clever!
Not really, I usually beat him three times out of four!
Cat Humor
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you're a mouse!
Copyright © 1991-2004 Famous Quotes and Jokes Network
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