The Blonde and the Library
A blonde walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I
borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever
read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many
characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our
phone book."
The Bereaving Blonde
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
The Lost Blond
A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"
The Flying Blond
There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in the coach section. A flight attendant realizes the blonde's mistake and asks her politely to move. The blonde won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight attendants. They all try to persuade the blonde to move, but she won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious blonde. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde's ear.
Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all very curious about how the pilot made the blonde move so quickly.
They ask him and he says, "Oh, it was easy. All I had to do was tell her that the first class section wasn't going to New York!"
Blonde Questions and Answers
Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to re-train.
What do you call 9 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
p>Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!
What's the definition of eternity?
4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
"Toe goes in first".
What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
"OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds."
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
Three blondes walked into a bar.
You'd think that one of them would have seen it.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant with twins.
What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How do you get a blond out of a tree?
Wave
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
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Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin
What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Perri-air
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
"'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
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