The bunny and the snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little bunny and a blind little snake.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, and no backbone. I'd say you must be either a politician, a lawyer, or possibly someone in upper management."

Bills

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Rat Statue

'Sir, I couldn't help but notice your interest in the statue. It's only five dollars, sir, but the story behind it will cost you fifty.' The man turned back around and looked in shock.

'Let me get this straight. If I buy the statue and the story behind it, I'll be paying fifty-five dollars. But if I can bear to live without the story, I'll only pay five?'

The Shopkeeper grinned and nodded. Not believing what a bargain he'd got, the man quickly paid and walked out of the store. A few moments later, he noticed that a lone rat was following him. He shrugged, and ignored the rodent, hoping it would leave. When he looked back again, some five minutes later, he saw that the number of rodents had grown to maybe fifty rats. A little nervous, he turned back to his path and continued walking.

When he looked around the third time, he saw thousands of rats following him. Horribly frightened, the man rushed to a dock overlooking the ocean and threw the statue as far out to sea as he possibly could. The rats followed the statue, sinking into the waves like stones.

The man then rushed back to the shop, elated, panicked, and still in shock. When he burst through the door, the shopkeeper gave a little chuckle. He had a smug grin on his face as he said, 'I expect you've come back to buy the story.' The shopkeeper held out his hand for the fifty dollars. The customer looked confused for a second, then said.

'Heck no! I wanna know if you've got a statue of a lawyer!'

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.

A pair of lawyers met for lunch to hash out their court differences. Ten minutes into the meal, the prosecutor angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the defendant's lawyer said, "but hear me out."

The other day a lawyer remarked to a friend, "I just finished a puzzle and it only took me five months." "Five months?" her friend asked. "That seems like an awfully long time to do a puzzle." "Not at all," she explained. "The box says 6 to 12 years

Why is doing business with a lawyer almost like having sex while using a condom? Because you enjoy a wonderful feeling of safety and security while you know you're being screwed!

A lawyer and his attractive female client are in private consultation. "Kiss me," she says. "No," replies the attorney, "that would be unprofessional." "Oh, please, just kiss me," she whispers. "No, I can't. It would be a violation of professional ethics," the lawyer says. "Oh, I really want you to kiss me," she murmurs. "No, I can't! Don't ask me to," says the lawyer. "I probably shouldn't even be screwing you!"

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Only one in two million ever does anything worthwhile!

How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer? She has an extreme craving for baloney.

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

A lawyer was on his cell phone, calling a locksmith. "I locked my keys in my sports car!" said the nervous lawyer. "No problem, I should be there in about an hour," replied the locksmith. "Do you think you can make it a little sooner?" pleaded the lawyer. "My top is down and it's starting to rain."

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered "no." The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question yes, was "why?" Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it "Never got caught."

A man went to a brain surgeon to request a brain transplant. He noted prices were different for brains available from various donors. A doctor's brain was $500, a banker's brain was $1,500 and a scientist's brain was $2,500. Then he noticed a brain in the far recesses of the room that had a price tag of $50,000. When he inquired about the unusually high price, the surgeon replied, "Oh, that's a lawyer's brain -- it's never been used!"

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."