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Lawyer JokesWhat do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?Not enough sand. --------------------------------- Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head. --------------------------------- Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? No? Good! --------------------------------- How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. --------------------------------- Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. --------------------------------- What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of peatmoss? The bucket. --------------------------------- What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night. --------------------------------- Lawyers JokesAt a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks toanother, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for five reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them. Third, lawyers multiply faster in numbers, Fourth, animal rights groups will not object to their torture. And fifth, there are some things even a rat won't do. There is a drawback however; sometimes it's very hard to extrapolate the test results to human beings" Lawyer and Blonde JokeA lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The lawyerleans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital cellphone via infra-red wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his co-workers, friends, clients, and suppliers that he knows. And then some. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. |
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