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The PigSaddam Hussein and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.Saddam tells his driver: "Go to the farm over there and explain to the owner of the pig what happened." One hour later, Saddam sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. "What happened to you?" He asks. "Well, the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me a bottle of wine, and their daughter made wild passionate love to me." "My God! What did you tell them?" asked President Hussein. The driver answered: "Good evening. I am Saddam Hussein's chauffeur and I have just killed the pig." Saddam Hussein's sonSaddam Hussein's son comes home from shopping with everything in a cardboard box......Saddam says: "Why have you brought the shopping home in a cardboard box, son?" Uday replies: "Because there's no Baghdad." One U.S. Marine is Better ...A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune.... "One U.S. Marine is better than ten Iraqis." The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then silence.The voice then calls out... "One Marine is better than one hundred Iraqis." Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The Marine's voice calls out again.... "One Marine is better than one thousand Iraqis." The enraged Iraqi commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander... "Don't send any more men.... it's a trap.... there's two of them!" The Presiden't choice.What would you do if you were President of the United States and had to make this choice?Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever. France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As the President, you must decide: Do you... A) Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live? B) Tape it and watch it in the morning? Not to minimize the seriousness of the war, but just to lighten up your day a bit! Subject: Questions
Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? Two Iranians meet in Los Angeles. One starts to greet the other in Farsi, the language of their native country. The other Iranian waves him away impatiently and says, "We're in America now. Speak Spanish!" WHAT'S IN A NAME ? 1. IACOCCA (the former Chrysler President/CEO)stands for
I coincidence?.......... try these! 2. Bush (the American President)
Beat 3. Clinton (remember him?)
Call However, no one can beat this latest casualty in bad naming Osama (WHO doesn't know him)
Oh
Tom Daschle - Hypocrite QuotesThis president failed so miserably in diplomacy that we are now forced to war.--Tom Daschle, last week, when President Bush, struck Iraq
We have exhausted all of our diplomatic effort to get the Iraqis to comply with their own agreements and with international law. Given that . . . we have got to force them to comply, and we are doing so militarily.
SPECIAL RETAIL ANNOUNCEMENT!!! All Wal-Mart and K-Mart stores in Iraq will be closing on or before March 20th.
After that, they will all become Targets.
Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had incentive to bomb Iraq before, imagine if Congress was over there.
As far as Saddam Hussein being a great military strategist, he is neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he a soldier. Other than that, he's a great military man. I want you to know that.
Imagine, a September 11 with weapons of mass destruction. It's not 3,000. It's tens of thousands of innocent men, women and children."
Saddam Hussein has now agreed to weapons inspections.
The bad news is that he wants Arthur Andersen to do it.
The Iraqi army has no chance whatsoever to stand steadfast and will fall like a sandcastle.
The debate between George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein may not happen due to language problems. One of them does not have a firm grasp on the language and the other is from Iraq.
Allah is on our side. That is why we will beat the aggressor.
We are not intimidated by the size of the armies, or the type of hardware the US has brought."
Your message is stupid. Iraq is not afraid of you or anyone else when it has a right to claim. What you warned about is not on Iraq's agenda. Iraq is vital and powerful. It is not an opportunistic country. Your administration has not learned from the past.
In 1991, Security Council Resolution 687 gave Iraq 15 days to declare and disarm its weapons of mass destruction. Officials of the first Bush administration assumed, after constructing a broad alliance and winning decisively in combat, that the international community would cooperate in compelling Iraq's full disarmament and in keeping tough sanctions in place. Twelve years later, Saddam survives in power; his weapons of mass destruction programs are intact and growing; sanctions are in tatters; and the international coalition to contain him has disintegrated.
Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.
Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein."
The Pentagon announced today the existence of a new terrorist group in Iraq. This new group is known as Saddam Hussein's Iraqi Terrorists (SHIT). The Iraqi government had been actively recruiting both their soldiers and civilians to become SHITs with a marketing campaign copying the Dr. Pepper jingle, "I'm a SHIT, he's a SHIT, etc.... wouldn't you like to be a SHIT too?" This apparently would be considered a promotion for regular Iraqi Army soldiers, but only a lateral transfer for Republican Guard members. According to a Pentagon analyst, one of the most disturbing facets of this is the ability of the SHIT to disguise themselves as TURDs (Terrorists Underneath Raghead Diapers). It would be difficult, he said, to distinguish between SHITs and TURDs without very close examination. He further stated, however, that US forces would continue to do their best to shoot the SHIT and bomb the SHIT out of Iraq, or until the SHIT hit the fan. The Pentagon also said they regard Saddam Hussein to be the Number One SHIT, and that he is at the top of their SHIT list.
There is already a mountain of evidence that Saddam Hussein is gathering weapons for the purpose of using them. And adding additional information is like adding a foot to Mount Everest.
Saddam Hussein and George Bush DebateThere was originally going to be a debate between Saddam Hussein and George Bush but it did not actually happen because of the language problem.One of them doesn't have a firm grasp on the language ... ... and the other one is from Iraq.
The Iraqi forces are conducting the Mother of all Retreats.
As I report to you, air attacks are under way against military targets in Iraq...I've told the American people before that this will not be another Vietnam. And I repeat this here tonight. Our troops will have the best possible support in the entire world, and they will not be asked to fight with one hand tied behind their back.
We have no such weapons at all, no chemical weapons, no biological weapons.
Saddam Hussein didn't kill 3,100 people on Sept. 11. Osama bin Laden did, and as far as we know he's still alive.
Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.
The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he (Saddam) can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.
Thanks for coming out on such a hot day. I was sweating like Saddam Hussein watching Bush's poll numbers drop.
The threat from Saddam Hussein and weapons of mass destruction – chemical, biological, potentially nuclear weapons capability – that threat is real.
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news — they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now" said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Saddam paused. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on. We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment." "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Paddy rang the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne. We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well." Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin' Mr. Hussein. I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners!"
Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan?
A line has been drawn in the sand...Withdraw from Kuwait unconditionally and immediately, or face the terrible consequences.
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